My Sunday Night

Sunday night. It’s dark. My head aches. My stomach churns. I know i’m going to get killed as I walk to Young Israel of South Beverly Hills (at Shenandoah and Pico).

I walk down the street listening to the Philip Roth novel “Exit Ghost.” I swing my new $27 tripod in my left hand. I’m ready to be mugged and raped and chopped into little pieces in His infinite mercy.

Who shall live and who shall die.

What more appropriate for the skeptic than to get run through by a Christ-believing shvartze tonight?

I run into a girl on Sherbourne and Pico. She’s on her cell phone. I walk behind her. She’s scared. She stops. I walk past.

I get to shul. There’s a big kapparot sale and a big lulav and etrog sale.

I see people I know. I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to buy. I don’t want to pay admittance.

I sneak into the shul. I don’t want any drama.

What’s the worst possible thing I could do right now? I mustn’t do it.

I set up near the front. I figure out my new tripod. I attach my camera.

The screen doesn’t work. Hasn’t worked right in about nine months.

Rabbi Kalinsky from the Orthodox Union walks in. They promoted the event.

Sheer terror grips me. I’m not up for any confrontation tonight.

There’s a girl. She didn’t answer my email. She didn’t make me her Facebook friend. Oh, the humiliation.

I make small talk. I want it to be over.

It’s over.

I bury myself in my book, “Gross National Happiness.”

I don’t want to talk to anybody. I’ll just say the wrong thing.

This isn’t about me. This is about Lior Kaminetsky and his violin and his parents and his band.

The show beings half an hour late.

I sit contorted on my chair but strive to let my neck be free, let my shoulders relax, and let my head rise up like a balloon.

About Luke Ford

Raised a Seventh-Day Adventist at Avondale College in Australia, Luke Ford moved to California in 1977. He graduated from Placer High School in 1984, reported the news at KAHI/KHYL radio for three years, attended Sierra College and UCLA, was largely bedridden by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for six years, and converted to Judaism in 1993. From 1997-2007, Luke made his living from blogging. Living by Beverly Hills (, he now teaches the Alexander Technique (moving the way the body likes to move). Lessons cost $100 each and last about 45 minutes. In 2011, Luke completed a three-year teaching course at the Alexander Training Institute of Los Angeles. His personal Alexander Technique website is Luke is the author of five books, including: » The Producers: Profiles in Frustration » Yesterday’s News Tomorrow: Inside American Jewish Journalism
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